Fear of Loss

Sunday, July 16, 2017

I cleaned out my car 3 days ago for the first time in who knows how long. While I have been laser focused in other areas of my life, cleaning and taking care of my home (and car) have been on the back burner (huge understatement). After being away last weekend, I left with conviction to change up some things. To realign my priorities.

Anyway, because of that I cleaned my car. I found cereal and french fries. I can't even remember the last time I ate either of the two. It was that bad. My car used to be my Momma's car. Her watch. The pictures she carried in her glove compartment. Dixie Chicks CD. Our shared love for Dixie Chicks could be a different post by itself. Her perfume.

You know those real friends whose words can be so full of encouragement, yet so full of truth? Well I have a friend that helped me realize last weekend that I have some tendencies in my actions that show a fear of loss.

Gulp.

So as I cleaned out my car 3 days ago, I just reflected on that idea a bit. Then I tossed the perfume. Perfume now gives me a major headache but I just never was ready to give up the scent that reminded me of her. I react on logic first and feelings later many times which can be a huge flaw. I know it can come across as insensitive sometimes.

BUT. I have been thinking about it ever since I dropped it into our trash bin.
Things like, "Oh, but what about when we have a daughter? I want her to know what her GG smelled like."
(I have no idea what she would like to be called but I'm convinced Grandma would NOT be it)

Long story short. I just asked Jake to dig it out of the trash. He did. Only because he's the best.

XOXO
Taylor

No comments:

Post a Comment

CopyRight © | Theme Designed By Hello Manhattan